I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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