i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
