He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize