so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
