My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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