Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
