I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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