textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
