i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
