I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
