I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
