What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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