She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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