she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
