Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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