high people should be assigned attendants
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
