Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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