Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
