You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
