Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
