I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
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