it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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