just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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