why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
