I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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