She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
