i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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