I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ttyl tear gas
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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