tell your sister to shave her snatch
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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