this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
