DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
