OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
