Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
