is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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