thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
