Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize