yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
