so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
