when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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