she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
