I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize