so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
