So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
