I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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