Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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