I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
