I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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