Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
