listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
