Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize