whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All the doctor said was why
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
