i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
