Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
