imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
