Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
