i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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