you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
