im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
