That reminds me...we need to get swords
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We have started to decorate penises.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
