i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
