you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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