I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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