Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My ATM looks so different sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
