Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize