just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
