the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
do nipples grow back?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
