I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
