I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
