Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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