Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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