Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She bit a glass in half.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
