Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
