Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
