guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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