pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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