First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
