I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
